I just read through old facebook conversations from the past year and a half and god so many things and people….come and go, and some I never think twice about and some people I think at least three times about. I read about a million conversations with Nick and realized that if I could ever love anyone it would be him and someday we will break each other into a million pieces. So many new people I’ve met, people that I didn’t respond to, people who didn’t respond to me. And there’s conversations from my family about my dad, about themselves, about their lives and their children and growing old. There’s Emma, who is so far away but is always there when I can’t do it without her anymore. There’s Linda, always spinning out of control, a complete mess in her own right but my motivation to never settle. Then there’s Seila, whose conversations started not so long ago but make me want to sit in a room with her and talk about the world for days and days, and Devin who is always so in tune with my life, so open and so accepting. And I think that maybe, someday, we won’t know each other. And that one day we won’t be able to reach out and save each other the way we do now, and that mediocrity and acceptance will grab our lives where the passion and hope that glues us together once held on. My life has been about ebb and flow, about acquisition and loss, about finding acceptance in what I’ve been given. I’m not afraid of much. But I’ve realized that I have never been more afraid of anything than I am of a future where my best days are behind me and the only thing that I long for is a way to turn around.

1. shannonandonandon posted this